Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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