this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
