So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
