i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize