The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didn't notice because vodka
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
