Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
