i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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