I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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