If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
