I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
