the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
