he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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