i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
