from now on my penis is your penis
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was like having sex with a tree stump
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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