There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
