who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
