Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Non-Jews are for practice
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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