we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize