You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
