we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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