the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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