They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
