wrigley field is MILF paradise
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
