Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
