just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
