that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
