well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
