I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
