You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
