we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
