it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
