cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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