If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize