I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It was confusing and full of hummus
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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