everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
