Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
