Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
