Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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