3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
