I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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