i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
