I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
