i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think pants incapable of making pants work
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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