Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
