we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
