hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize