I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
