i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
