Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
