Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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