I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
