just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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