508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
