it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
