This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
