im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
