i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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