8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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