3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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