dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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