Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
