why didn't you poke me back
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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