Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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