I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
