I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize