I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
